Anchored To Hope

You know why I have my faith? Because it was tested. Because it withstood the test. Because I doubted. I not only questioned but I resented everything about the bible. The system I knew had failed me. I didn't feel God. He didn't speak. Once I made the decision to walk away, it didn't take long for a spiral to occur. I went from questioning God, to completely hating him in a short time. Hating anything to do with Him. The church, my husband. But you know what, I needed that. I needed to grieve for the religion I had created in my own mind. The false version of Jesus that I had decided He was. I had to be re-doctrinated in that facts, the truth. It so happened that my husband ( biggest actual legend ever) who met God at 16, was spending  hours and hours with a group of atheists, to sharpen his own mind, and also show them a version of Christianity that didn't suck. As per everyone who meets him, they fell in love with his mind but also his heart for them. F...

So....after so many conversations with so many amazing, capable, brilliant people who also suffer, , I've decided to write about the outs and ins of the anxiety / depression experiences I had/ have, and what has helped/ not helped. I read an extremely intellectual article this week about mental illness and physical illness. A comparative piece about how if we could physically show what's happening in our bodies, what the reaction would be of the world around us. I often say to my husband if I'm suffering, "please picture me right now with my arm severed. With blood oozing and absolute agony. I'm suffering in a real way and I need you to know. " Anxiety isn't just feeling worried and depression isn't being sad. Anxiety and depression are obsessive, irrational onslaughts of a million thoughts that cannot be slowed down. It's all consuming. It isn't feeling scared, or worried, it's a chemical reaction that literally tells your brain t...