Anchored To Hope

So here we go...another blog, fresh from the surgery of Marcus. Its weird and kinda vulnerable writing after such an intense moment in my life. All of my appointments rock me to the core, but I usually give myself a little while to process and work through the information before I share it with all of you. Today you are simply hearing it as I'm thinking it for the first time. Scary for all of us :) Isnt life weird. We are all searching for something consistant and safe. A place in our lives where finally we feel happy and secure and like we are functioning the best we ever could. It hit me today that this day might be the best I ever get. It scares me. I am waiting for the day when I feel like Lisa again, and in my head that day will be amazing. Life will be perfect. I will be full of feelings and love and happiness. When in reality, life will still be hard, if not depersonalisation ( shivers i just realised my name is in that word :), it will be another hurdle I will have to fac...

Hello good friends. Thanks again for reading. Hopefully now I am back in there will be more frequency to my posts. I really appreciate all of your love and support, as always. So as I posted last time, there may be a mcphee baby happening this year, no I am not pregnant but it is on the cards. This gets me thinking about time and although I dont have the correct perception of time due to my condition, Sam still grew up really darn fast:( He will be at school next year...WHAT!!??. These types of thoughts get me thinking about my life and the lives of people around me and I think if  27 years has gone this fast, the next 30 will go even faster. It puts a fragility on life, and an element of non-permanency. Often we look at what we are going through as the be all and end all of life. That our boyfriend or friends or house or holiday or conflict or pain is all consuming. That we will live forever because we are so young, yet it ticks by quickly. In 100 years we wont be among the liv...

I'm baaaaaaaaaack..... So after countless attempts at entering my email address to get a new password, only to find there was no email with my new password, I realised I was entering in the wrong email address. I have been locked out of my own blog!! haha. I thought I would never get back here. It is smack bang in the middle of the Queensland floods and my thoughts and prayers are with all of you :( You have unfortunately caught me on a flat day. I promised that I would blog with consistancy and honesty so here it is. I have been a human guinea pig for the past few months, in a strong attempt to jolt this depersonalisation. With the up and down dosage of 3 new meds, my mood, depression and weight has been up and down too. It has been really tricky to cope with  the inconsistancy. As I write this I feel really insensitive to all of the other chaos happening in the world at the moment, but that chaos is always there regradless of how the news covers it. It is devastating and ther...