Behind The Couch xx

Hey Lovely Ones, 

It’s been a little minute since we last chatted. What a minute it has been! 2020 is its own brand of weird! 

Stay safe fam.

Last year I wrote a blog  called “Fresh Or Fester“ about a silly injury I had on a school camp and how just a small amount of gunk not cleaned out of it led to a gross infection. Moral of the story was- don’t let the unforgiveness take root in your heart and cause an all out infection in your soul. 

However, today I cleaned behind the couch. Like I’m talking pulled it out, took it apart and really got in there with a garbage bag. 

A thorough clean out. 

It was like a horrible Showbag from the Royal Adelaide Show, filled with old gummy bears, 3 non-matching socks belonging to one Jason McPhee, a golf ball, a crayon, Pokémon cards, a pretzel and a triangle. Yes a TRIANGLE (One of those things you get given in music class if you can’t play anything else.)

Gross.

But necessary. 

To be honest it was so engrained in the couch that it almost became part of the couch. The gummies were stuck, the golf ball was fully wedged at the back, the socks camouflaged in to the back of the leather. To the naked eye, the couch looked great before hand. It worked well, it looked neat, there was just more happening than I was aware of. 

For those of you who have been reading for a while, you know what’s coming next. Everything is a metaphor. 

But it hit me hard. 

Sometimes, what and how we think has become such a part of us, that we don’t stop to talk back to it. 

When we have a visible wound we can see and feel the heat and sting. It’s there. We are aware, it hurts. 

But sometimes things that aren’t good for us have been disguised as part of us, and we’ve accepted it as normal. 

It’s a gummy bear stuck to us as if it were us, but it’s not. 

It’s camouflaged as who we are but it isn’t. 

It was never meant to be. 

Part of the journey of this blog has been finding out what is happening in the body and the physicality of it all and yes, I still believe anxiety, depression, bipolar, MPD and a range of other conditions can and are just as physical as heart disease, diabetes and dementia.

We have chatted about stigma and how not talking about it can be harmful and that normalising is essential- and it is! 

But we’ve also touched on how the physical and spiritual intertwine, and often. 

What I’m walking through at the moment is being acutely aware of God having all of the control of my mind, which I believed He did. Until I realised He didn’t. 

That as a child I developed ways of coping with the anxiety disorder, that gave a foothold for the enemy to lie to me about needing to protect my family at all costs. That I needed to maintain control. 

From a little Greek 4 year old girl at kindy, I carried the weight of keeping them safe so that I never lost them. As a little one, that allowed fear to take hold of my tiny developing heart and mind and has attached itself to me as a gummy bear ever since. 

Now that I’m aware of it, I’m ready to pull it off and chuck it in the bin. That doesn’t mean I’ll be cured, it might. But what it means is that I won’t allow the enemy to have any part of my mind whatsoever and I’ll actively and vigilantly fight for that. It’s not saying that the hereditary anxiety disorder my body has isn’t physical, it’s just covering all bases and making sure there is nothing spiritual that has attached itself to me in the process. 

In this blog there’s been a journey from survival to one of thriving, as I received treatment and education. By the grace of God I’ve learned how to live an effective and life giving existence alongside what is happening in my body.  

I’ve always been absolutely honest in this for the sake of awareness and de-stigmatisation. I’ve journeyed with you from my son’s birth, my pregnancy with my daughter and lots of life inbetween. 

In this chapter of my life, I’m in a place that I haven’t been ready for before, that I feel God has walked me to, that I’m petrified of, but I’m willing to go through. 

Surrendering control of what I have needed to hold onto so tight my entire life. It feels unnatural and unsafe. 

Coming against thoughts that are not my own even though they’ve lived and breathed in my skin since I can remember. 

Taking back whatever was stolen and renewing that part of my mind that I thought I’d conquered.

And just as we have so far, we can journey this new chapter in all of our books, together. Hand in hand, heart to heart. 

Fully accepting the physicality of what we are experiencing, while actively seeking out anything not of God that could be shaping us. 

The enemy kicks us while we’re down. 

While we’re grieving, or sick, or low, or weak. When we are developing from defenceless child into who we are - he sneaks in with a quiet voice and acts as friend to deter us from our destiny. 

Renewing our minds is biblical and powerful. Below is a 21 day devotional detox that I’m starting this week, can you join me? It might not get rid of our physical condition but it is sure to heal any spiritual ones.

https://afreedomexperience.com/course/

Coupon : “Blessed” will make sure you get it free. 

Will you walk this next chapter with me? Can we face some giants together? 

Can we talk back to the voices that tell us it will always be this way, there is no hope, this is the future?

I believe healing is on the horizon. 

Even if it isn’t this side of eternity and even if it is. 

Remember Paul began the early church while living with a thorn in his flesh, your scar is your story- His power is made perfect in our weakness. 

Also and not exclusively, let’s not let any lies take hold of us while we walk that out. 

Remember, you are not your disorder. Like wearing a backpack, it is not a part of us, but we carry it. 

By sharing with your youth pastor, pastor, friend, teacher, parents, you are sharing the load.

I’m with you, I love you and you know it.

All my love, Lis x