Happy Easter beautiful readers. Thank you for relentlessly taking this journey with me. To say it humbles me would be an incredible understatement.
What an amazing time of year. Easter. The notion that what we believe isn't a story, but in fact a reality, and it begs us to re-evaluate the true state of happenings we are living in. One would dare say, a state of emergency.
Isn't it so incredibly easy to have God in the background , and keep busy in our treasures we are storing on this earth, which ultimately have zero value. I find One always gives way to the other.
I know for me, in the times when Jesus is so madly on my case ( well He always is, I just don't always want to listen ) I get this glimpse of what walking in the spirit of Jesus actually looks like. What my life should look like everyday. But I've got my own stuff to do, my own TV shows to obsess over, my own problems to mull over, my own children to take up my time. I segregate God and my life, like one doesn't make room for the other. How do I always end up there? You feel me?
I know for me, in the times when Jesus is so madly on my case ( well He always is, I just don't always want to listen ) I get this glimpse of what walking in the spirit of Jesus actually looks like. What my life should look like everyday. But I've got my own stuff to do, my own TV shows to obsess over, my own problems to mull over, my own children to take up my time. I segregate God and my life, like one doesn't make room for the other. How do I always end up there? You feel me?
This phone that I'm holding right now, runs my life. It begs for my attention, it keeps me awake at night, it makes me look at it instead of watching my children grow.
The shopping centre that I don't even need to go to, has bright white walls and a million lights and signs all telling me that I NEED this, that I want this...this stuff!
It's so inviting and so alluring, that it becomes so easy to see that as the normal, and the supernatural walk with Jesus as the rare moments.
Imagine both. Imagine being disciplined enough to take the time aside to put Jesus first. Imagine that being the constant number one. Not finishing the house, paying the mortgage, finding the boyfriend, having the baby- but building a life where there is just Jesus, and the rest is detail.
And I really deeply feel like Jesus kinda created us to live like that. He didn't have the iPhone 6 in mind when he created and made a way to give us all that we need.
Last night I was driving to stay with my parents and I detoured up to our old place before we moved. I sat out the front of our old house and cried, and cried, and cried. I couldn't even figure out why. Was it because the tree I planted now belonged to someone else? Was it that I could see straight into the room I painted for Bella and it has a new baby growing up in her room? I began a self pity tangent. I can't remember living there. It doesn't feel like home, I don't feel at home anywhere, even in my own skin. Even curled up in my husbands arms. I can't share and I can't shake this weird sensation that hit me 8 years ago and never left. I can't wake up. I cried out to God when I realised the grief :
"MY BABIES". I can't remember my babies. I can cope with pretty much anything else, but when it hits me that this state my brain is in prevents me from remembering their lives, it kills me.
"MY BABIES". I can't remember my babies. I can cope with pretty much anything else, but when it hits me that this state my brain is in prevents me from remembering their lives, it kills me.
I said to God, what is the point. If I can't remember, it never happened. I never raised them here, Sam was never a baby, I was never pregnant with Bella, I can't remember living in this house with them. I can't remember tucking Bella In that room. It was agony.
Jesus in his sensitivity and love whispered to me:
Jesus in his sensitivity and love whispered to me:
"Bricks and mortar baby, Bricks and Mortar". That's all it is, that's all it's worth.
Like a soothing wave. Like a warm safe hand was layed on my head. I turned to the side as if I was snuggled in His very chest. And I remembered that as much as I explain this weird brain function, and as much as I try so hard to bring people into this world so I'm not alone, He is right there. He is removed with me, He sits behind this sheet of glass and watches the world function around me.
Jesus is involved in my story. Of all the filth in my life, the distraction, the disobedience, the selfishness, the ignorance, the bricks and mortar I give value.. Like a faithful Daddy, he's right there in the car with me the SECOND I turn to Him. Like he's present ALWAYS, just waiting for me to look back to Him and say, let's do this together. He isn't just there when I'm behaving, He doesn't rock up when I beg extra hard~ He is always present. Never leaving. Never forsaking.
No matter what I put Infront of my face, Jesus is relentless in His pursuit for us. He is jealous for us, He wants us so very desperately because He knows that what he has to offer is so rich, and so fulfilling. So much more so that what we are being sold.
Jesus we pray you open our eyes to you,
Open our hearts to the reality of what is going on in the spiritual realm around us, not just what is on sale at Big w. Thank you that you get it, you know the struggle, and that nothing seperates us from you. Teach us to have you in the front of our minds and hearts, and give us the strength to take that forward into our everyday lives. I suck at this, help me out. Love Lisa xx
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