Hello and welcome to the festive season! Our house was all ablaze yesterday with christmas decorations and the pageant and lights. Jason in this case, is definitely more the kid than Sam and I. Actually, Sam is quite the same as his dad and for those who know Jas, one of the first things you would know about him is that he is christmas obsessed. When he was 4 he told his mum that his dream when he grew up was to be Father Christmas. That dream unfortunately, still rings true in Jas's ears :) Bless his cotton ( and holey) socks off. So I had 2 kids yesterday ( inclusive of the big kid) running around the house singing and dancing.
Sam was yelling "merry christmas and a happy new your" in his little accidental american accent ( I blame sesame street). I love how he is still mixing words up, I know that wont always be the case, but for now things like 'fat battery' and 'hide and sink' and still very cute and funny. I had one of those moments where you stop and think, that no matter what you achieve in life, or accumulate, this moment takes the cake. I tried to take it in and enjoy it for what I could. I have never seen Sam happier. Christmas is upon us friends.
So begins our role as parents in teaching Sam that materialism isnt worth a cent. That presents are better to give than to recieve, that Christmas is about a gift we are all given of new life and a saviour. As we try and teach Sam to grasp such things, all I seem to hear is " I can get that mummy, I would love to have that". I told him that christmas isnt just about getting, it is about giving presents to nana, and papa and daddy and mikey etc...Just when you think you are getting the message across I overhear Sam say to my mum, " nana for christmas we are going to get you a purple charlie the train, and you are going to share it with me".
Dooohhhh! Talk about spoilt, we will persevere....
Talking about being spoilt, I am. No seriously, I have an amazing family, and Im the baby. Therefor, the receiver of all things helpful. If I cant fix a light, or need help with Sam, or even when I dont need it, I get it. I get it in good quality and quantity. My life has always been this way even since I was young, if I looked at a puzzle and it was hard, I would conveniently yell " kristyyyyyyyyy- " thats all I needed do. For as long as I can remember, at this moment a determined, loving faithful sister droped what she was doing, runs to my side and proceeds to do it. I learnt a lot this way. My Mum and Dad treated me in much the same fashion, they taught me good principle and a tough work ethic and responsibility and they drummed it into me and set such a good and consistant example, but somewhere a long the way I decided to stay the baby. I think I even carried that perception of life into my marriage. So these past few years have been a correction of that attitude and lifestyle. Poor Jas :) One day soon I will share that story with you...
But for now, I realised recently that I have been spoilt with Grace.
So heres the big clincher for this blog today, I am I pastors kid and for the majority of my life I havent known God. I have known a lot about God, I have been shown him through others who find Him real. But for the most of my life, He has been something I have tried to reach, and thought he never cared much to reach back. Its funny if I think about the people in my life who feel the same, it is people with a similar story to me. Life as a kid was good, parents served in the church, known right from the start that Jesus loves me , died for me, wants me. And I think knowing those facts have given me reason to think I deserve His love, after all, Im his masterpeice right? Well yes, but not in the way I always saw it. I thought I was the hero, the loved one, the needed one, and maybe if I didnt consciously think that, It was the truth deep down.
I said to Jas this week, why is God so real to you? Why do you have this unshakable faith, this persistance to keep trusting Him when he never shows up? To this Jas replied-
"Babe, Im not trying to hurt you, but it is because you are spoilt". You see Jas grew up without Jesus. He spoke of hopless emptiness that I never, not once, experienced. So when Jesus came into his heart there was this huuuuge change. All of a sudden he was hit with the truth that he was loved by his creator, chosen, wanted,belonged, and most of all, eternity had hope in it. Before that day when he was saved as a 16 year old, Jas lived a life that at the end of the day, there was nothing. I never ever experienced that because although I have doubted God, I am engrained with the truth that Jesus wants me and died for me. I never knew any different so I never knew what it was to not have Jesus. Heres a really raw truth, my life was so miserable and empty, yes as a christian pastors kid with no real issues to even report. No immediate deaths in the family, no abuse, yes hard times, but nothing that should have me in the state I was. It was so empty that I remember the night before I had Sam I was saying to myself, well at least with a baby I have something to live for. It was at this point in my heart that I had to do something...I had this creator who apparently loved me but never showed up when I asked him for proof. I felt like for 25 years there was this Jesus I could not access. I was looking for Him, sometimes so desperately, but in the wrong way and for the complete wrong reasons.
I prayed this prayer the night before Sam was born, the night before my mind depersonalised:
" God, I know that you are somewhere listening, I never feel you. All I want to say is that I will do anything, ANYTHING, for this fear and hopelessness to not be a part of this babys life. Please come and make something change so that I do not carry this and mark his life with fear and anxiety. Do anything. "
That was probably the most sincere prayer I had ever prayed. I did not want the problems I had to mark Sam and continue on to him. Isnt is funny that the very next day my life changed for ever. Now I feel like instead of having a full tank, and it being full of fakeness and the right christian things to say and looking the right way, it is now quarter full. But let me tell you thru the hell I experienced, and the comfort and faithfulness God has shown, that quarter of a tank is solid, it is real, it is alive and vibrant. That quarter is more real than the 25 years I looked in the wrong place. This world isnt about us, we are designed to need God and show the reality of him to others. I never found Him until I sincerely asked God to rock up and shake up my life. One thing I am sure of friends, if you ask God to teach you patience, you will get the suckiest traffic ever. If you ask Him to show you forgiveness, someone will offend you. It is hard, but it is through those lessons bit by bit, and seeing Gods way work, is what brings faith. He has so much to show us.
Can I encourage you if you are in a rut, a month long rut, a year, a lifetime....God wants to mark your life with His love. He wants to change those bad habits, change your perception of Him, of this life. It says in His word that when we ask in accordance with His will, it will be done. His will is to love you, and for you to share that love. It isnt a fancy prayer, or the billions of works we can do to earn His love, His will for you is this - for you to experience His love. For that love to move and engage you so much that you have no choice but to share it. I pray this becomes reality for you all.
All my love xxoo
Sam was yelling "merry christmas and a happy new your" in his little accidental american accent ( I blame sesame street). I love how he is still mixing words up, I know that wont always be the case, but for now things like 'fat battery' and 'hide and sink' and still very cute and funny. I had one of those moments where you stop and think, that no matter what you achieve in life, or accumulate, this moment takes the cake. I tried to take it in and enjoy it for what I could. I have never seen Sam happier. Christmas is upon us friends.
So begins our role as parents in teaching Sam that materialism isnt worth a cent. That presents are better to give than to recieve, that Christmas is about a gift we are all given of new life and a saviour. As we try and teach Sam to grasp such things, all I seem to hear is " I can get that mummy, I would love to have that". I told him that christmas isnt just about getting, it is about giving presents to nana, and papa and daddy and mikey etc...Just when you think you are getting the message across I overhear Sam say to my mum, " nana for christmas we are going to get you a purple charlie the train, and you are going to share it with me".
Dooohhhh! Talk about spoilt, we will persevere....
Talking about being spoilt, I am. No seriously, I have an amazing family, and Im the baby. Therefor, the receiver of all things helpful. If I cant fix a light, or need help with Sam, or even when I dont need it, I get it. I get it in good quality and quantity. My life has always been this way even since I was young, if I looked at a puzzle and it was hard, I would conveniently yell " kristyyyyyyyyy- " thats all I needed do. For as long as I can remember, at this moment a determined, loving faithful sister droped what she was doing, runs to my side and proceeds to do it. I learnt a lot this way. My Mum and Dad treated me in much the same fashion, they taught me good principle and a tough work ethic and responsibility and they drummed it into me and set such a good and consistant example, but somewhere a long the way I decided to stay the baby. I think I even carried that perception of life into my marriage. So these past few years have been a correction of that attitude and lifestyle. Poor Jas :) One day soon I will share that story with you...
But for now, I realised recently that I have been spoilt with Grace.
So heres the big clincher for this blog today, I am I pastors kid and for the majority of my life I havent known God. I have known a lot about God, I have been shown him through others who find Him real. But for the most of my life, He has been something I have tried to reach, and thought he never cared much to reach back. Its funny if I think about the people in my life who feel the same, it is people with a similar story to me. Life as a kid was good, parents served in the church, known right from the start that Jesus loves me , died for me, wants me. And I think knowing those facts have given me reason to think I deserve His love, after all, Im his masterpeice right? Well yes, but not in the way I always saw it. I thought I was the hero, the loved one, the needed one, and maybe if I didnt consciously think that, It was the truth deep down.
I said to Jas this week, why is God so real to you? Why do you have this unshakable faith, this persistance to keep trusting Him when he never shows up? To this Jas replied-
"Babe, Im not trying to hurt you, but it is because you are spoilt". You see Jas grew up without Jesus. He spoke of hopless emptiness that I never, not once, experienced. So when Jesus came into his heart there was this huuuuge change. All of a sudden he was hit with the truth that he was loved by his creator, chosen, wanted,belonged, and most of all, eternity had hope in it. Before that day when he was saved as a 16 year old, Jas lived a life that at the end of the day, there was nothing. I never ever experienced that because although I have doubted God, I am engrained with the truth that Jesus wants me and died for me. I never knew any different so I never knew what it was to not have Jesus. Heres a really raw truth, my life was so miserable and empty, yes as a christian pastors kid with no real issues to even report. No immediate deaths in the family, no abuse, yes hard times, but nothing that should have me in the state I was. It was so empty that I remember the night before I had Sam I was saying to myself, well at least with a baby I have something to live for. It was at this point in my heart that I had to do something...I had this creator who apparently loved me but never showed up when I asked him for proof. I felt like for 25 years there was this Jesus I could not access. I was looking for Him, sometimes so desperately, but in the wrong way and for the complete wrong reasons.
I prayed this prayer the night before Sam was born, the night before my mind depersonalised:
" God, I know that you are somewhere listening, I never feel you. All I want to say is that I will do anything, ANYTHING, for this fear and hopelessness to not be a part of this babys life. Please come and make something change so that I do not carry this and mark his life with fear and anxiety. Do anything. "
That was probably the most sincere prayer I had ever prayed. I did not want the problems I had to mark Sam and continue on to him. Isnt is funny that the very next day my life changed for ever. Now I feel like instead of having a full tank, and it being full of fakeness and the right christian things to say and looking the right way, it is now quarter full. But let me tell you thru the hell I experienced, and the comfort and faithfulness God has shown, that quarter of a tank is solid, it is real, it is alive and vibrant. That quarter is more real than the 25 years I looked in the wrong place. This world isnt about us, we are designed to need God and show the reality of him to others. I never found Him until I sincerely asked God to rock up and shake up my life. One thing I am sure of friends, if you ask God to teach you patience, you will get the suckiest traffic ever. If you ask Him to show you forgiveness, someone will offend you. It is hard, but it is through those lessons bit by bit, and seeing Gods way work, is what brings faith. He has so much to show us.
Can I encourage you if you are in a rut, a month long rut, a year, a lifetime....God wants to mark your life with His love. He wants to change those bad habits, change your perception of Him, of this life. It says in His word that when we ask in accordance with His will, it will be done. His will is to love you, and for you to share that love. It isnt a fancy prayer, or the billions of works we can do to earn His love, His will for you is this - for you to experience His love. For that love to move and engage you so much that you have no choice but to share it. I pray this becomes reality for you all.
All my love xxoo
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