I am sunburnt! horray! It has been a long time. It was an accident as I am not used to the sun actually shining in little old Adelaide. Today was a wedding, a beautiful wedding. It was at the beach, it was 2 people actually in love. It was old friends who feel like time never passed, and it was fun.
Something beautiful happened to me today, my dear friend Courtney gave me a gift, and it has helped me take the next steps in this journey. We were chatting about life and where we were at, she suffers similar to me in some aspects so we share a lot. As we were talking she looked me in the eyes and said " we actually are going to get better, we are going to be strong and full of life". I believed her. In a time where I am flicking between trying to convince myself that I am going to get better, or trying to accept that maybe this is my life now, a moment of faith spoke into my future. I believe that I am going to be myself again, maybe the best version of myself I have ever been. Although in my head I think that Jesus is allowing this to happen to me so that he can make me stronger, the cliche wears thin sometimes. But what Courtney said held weight, it sunk in, it got through. Not many things do these days :) She helped me accept, that maybe even for now, God is allowing this to be my situation to prepare me for my future. I have always seen that as a negative. That he is letting me go through something terrible so that when something even worse happens, or I lose someone I love, I will cope. Instead, she explained it to me as if I were the victor. She shared with me something God had revealed to her :
Jeremiah 12:5 If running with the fighting men has made you tired, how will you be able to keep up with the horses?
People take this verse as, if you cant even deal with this problem, you have no hope of dealing with what is ahead. But the spin she put on it was that one day we are going to run with horses! We are going to be victorious and strong and alive and passionate. Almost like, this time in our lives is a necessity because we are daughther of the king and we need to be prepared for it. It helped me, even for a brief second, see past this fuzz. I saw beyond the detatchment and got a glimpse of hope. I dont know how long this will last, I dont know if I will wake up tomorrow and be better, or if I will be 50 years old and still suffering. I dont know.
But what I do know is that this time is necessary for me. I dont see why or how but Jesus knows what I need from this and I choose to trust that. I dont really want to, I dont want him to be in control because that means I am not, I like to be in control :)
One day friends, I will run with horses!!!
In Jesus name
xxoo
Something beautiful happened to me today, my dear friend Courtney gave me a gift, and it has helped me take the next steps in this journey. We were chatting about life and where we were at, she suffers similar to me in some aspects so we share a lot. As we were talking she looked me in the eyes and said " we actually are going to get better, we are going to be strong and full of life". I believed her. In a time where I am flicking between trying to convince myself that I am going to get better, or trying to accept that maybe this is my life now, a moment of faith spoke into my future. I believe that I am going to be myself again, maybe the best version of myself I have ever been. Although in my head I think that Jesus is allowing this to happen to me so that he can make me stronger, the cliche wears thin sometimes. But what Courtney said held weight, it sunk in, it got through. Not many things do these days :) She helped me accept, that maybe even for now, God is allowing this to be my situation to prepare me for my future. I have always seen that as a negative. That he is letting me go through something terrible so that when something even worse happens, or I lose someone I love, I will cope. Instead, she explained it to me as if I were the victor. She shared with me something God had revealed to her :
Jeremiah 12:5 If running with the fighting men has made you tired, how will you be able to keep up with the horses?
People take this verse as, if you cant even deal with this problem, you have no hope of dealing with what is ahead. But the spin she put on it was that one day we are going to run with horses! We are going to be victorious and strong and alive and passionate. Almost like, this time in our lives is a necessity because we are daughther of the king and we need to be prepared for it. It helped me, even for a brief second, see past this fuzz. I saw beyond the detatchment and got a glimpse of hope. I dont know how long this will last, I dont know if I will wake up tomorrow and be better, or if I will be 50 years old and still suffering. I dont know.
But what I do know is that this time is necessary for me. I dont see why or how but Jesus knows what I need from this and I choose to trust that. I dont really want to, I dont want him to be in control because that means I am not, I like to be in control :)
One day friends, I will run with horses!!!
In Jesus name
xxoo
Believing Jeremiah 12:5 for you my beautiful Lisa and my other girls who know who they are.
ReplyDeleteMade me think of this... :)
We will fly way up high
Where the cold wind blows
Or in the sun laughing having fun
With the people that she knows
And you will free the beautiful bird
That's caught inside your heart
Can't you hear her? Oh she cries so loud
Casts her wild note over water and cloud
That's the way it's gonna be little darlin'
We'll be riding on the horses yeah yeah
Way up in the sky little darlin'
And if you fall I'll pick you up pick you up
Clinging to it precious. One day you and I will look back with clarity and joy. But in the meantime, just know you are still your beautiful self... and even though you don't necessarily always believe you are, we can see that, feel that and remember that for you.
Love you more than words,
Amy xo