Hey Guys,
Thanks again for all the support and feedback and encouragement. I know I say it a lot, but I really appreciate the time and thought you are sending my way. I will try my best to grab some time and reply to the facebook messages and emails. You are all very very lovely and are helping me a great deal.
When I first told Jas ( my husband) about the idea of doing this blog and sharing my story, he suggested that I write about what it takes to help get through/get someone else through mental illness. Kinda like what our friends did to help when we needed it most, and what really worked and maybe what didn't. A lot of us have either experienced depression/anxiety first hand, if not extremely closely. It seems to be everywhere and without a clear message of what it is, or how to get through.
I would never had considered myself a depressed person, but as I look back through my life I realise my idea of depressed was actually different to that of its actual meaning. I always thought depressed meant really sad, or tired or not feeling good. Although those are all symptoms of things we feel when we are depressed, I didn't realise that depression has all different forms. And as a general rule, It goes untreated. In a different blog, at the right time, I might go into my little families own struggle with depression. 40% of husbands suffer post natal illness with their wives so Jas sufferend chronic clinical depression for 2 years 2007-08. It was hell on earth, lucky for us we now know the signs and we know our capacity levels to hopefully prevent anything ever happening to that level again. It was a trip to hell, but Jas most definitely made it back and is a strong, passionate, motivated, consistant, Godly man, With a heard of gold, , and he is good to me and Sammy :) There was a time when I would look at how he was during depression and think that my husband had changed forever and there was absolutely no way he could ever make it back from where he was. He thought that too at the time, it seemed hopeless and relentless, but he got help, saw a doctor, suffered some more and then eventually kicked it in the butt. Legend.
For all of you suffering, in whatever ways you do, for whatever reasons cause it, there is another way than the obvious desire to end it. I understand it, I really do. I have been in that dark hole, I have prayed the same prayers begging God for a least one days rest from it all. I have had the nights that bring no relief and the days that never seem to end, and the thoughts that getting out of bed it just too hard. I have seen family and friends honestly believe that ending their life is the best possible outcome. Although it's simply a physical chemical response that your Brain is signalling , in that state it does feel normal and logical to end it all at the time. Please listen to this voice and know, that although this seems endless and there is no way out, you WILL come through this. You will tell your own story one day and it will change someone else's life.
Let this be a light at the end of your tunnel. You will make it.
Let this be the sign you are looking for to keep going.
And for those whose suffering is to watch those they love experience the devastation, confusion and pain that depression and anxiety brings, this too will end. I have sat on the couch wondering if my husband would ever return home again. I have rehearsed what I would have to say to my son when I recieved the news. It is tiring and devastating to watch and it feels like there isn't much you can do. Here's the thing, unless you have been there, you cannot imagine depression/anxiety/depersonalisation. It is pretty much impossible to explain and it gets frustrating. If you are in a situation where the person you love is not well/suffering, unconditional love is something they need. Well that was what we both needed when we suffered. Be prepared for irrationality, irritability and for that person to maybe not function to the same level they could. I believe there is a lot of healing time ( rest) needed to help recover from depression. Time where there is no expectation from anyone. Sometimes when you are depressed, the slightest feeling that someone is depending on you whether it be someone you love or your workplace, can be overwhelming. Things that were once second nature, become draining. To the point where getting out of bed is actually something that seems too much to bear. Let alone leaving the house, seeing and interacting with people and facing life. With depression it is all consuming so people may become extremely self focused. Sometimes people who were once strong, dominant and focused become quiet, lost and scared and withdrawn. Let them know that although you don't understand how it feels, you are there. You are going to see them through this no matter what. Also make sure YOU have someone else to talk to about it all, it can get so draining and you need to look out for yourself too.
While I cant comment on your experience, here is what really helps me when I am struggling the most. Having a good network around me of people who know my situation. Friends treating me normally helps make me feel more normal. Friends and family that dont have an expectation on me and can accept where I am at, and in turn help me to accept it. People who when I dont feel myself, just hold my hand. Sometimes that speaks so much louder than words. The thing is, this time is going to be unpredictable, that is what depression is all about. You change from mood to mood and there is no telling what is next. It is so hard for the people around and it is the true test of love. Depression is completely inconsistant, so to have someone there who is consistant in their love and concern and response is priceless, it provides a rock and a safe place when everything else in your mind and heart is shifting and shaky.
The journey through depression will change you and the people around you. It gives you depth to life, It gives you life experience, it forces you to need God and it teaches you the true meaning of trusting Him and allows you to see God at His most beautiful, as a comforter. It changes your relationships and tests them to the core. Let me tell you something that is 100% true in my marriage, if you can make it through depression together, you can make it through anything.
Woh, where did that blog come from !? hope it wasnt too heavy. Hope it was helpful. It is only my experience so take or leave whatever you like and dont like.
Phew and with that I am about to watch Gossip Girl Season 3...Im hooked!!
Sleep tight, xxoo
Thanks again for all the support and feedback and encouragement. I know I say it a lot, but I really appreciate the time and thought you are sending my way. I will try my best to grab some time and reply to the facebook messages and emails. You are all very very lovely and are helping me a great deal.
When I first told Jas ( my husband) about the idea of doing this blog and sharing my story, he suggested that I write about what it takes to help get through/get someone else through mental illness. Kinda like what our friends did to help when we needed it most, and what really worked and maybe what didn't. A lot of us have either experienced depression/anxiety first hand, if not extremely closely. It seems to be everywhere and without a clear message of what it is, or how to get through.
I would never had considered myself a depressed person, but as I look back through my life I realise my idea of depressed was actually different to that of its actual meaning. I always thought depressed meant really sad, or tired or not feeling good. Although those are all symptoms of things we feel when we are depressed, I didn't realise that depression has all different forms. And as a general rule, It goes untreated. In a different blog, at the right time, I might go into my little families own struggle with depression. 40% of husbands suffer post natal illness with their wives so Jas sufferend chronic clinical depression for 2 years 2007-08. It was hell on earth, lucky for us we now know the signs and we know our capacity levels to hopefully prevent anything ever happening to that level again. It was a trip to hell, but Jas most definitely made it back and is a strong, passionate, motivated, consistant, Godly man, With a heard of gold, , and he is good to me and Sammy :) There was a time when I would look at how he was during depression and think that my husband had changed forever and there was absolutely no way he could ever make it back from where he was. He thought that too at the time, it seemed hopeless and relentless, but he got help, saw a doctor, suffered some more and then eventually kicked it in the butt. Legend.
For all of you suffering, in whatever ways you do, for whatever reasons cause it, there is another way than the obvious desire to end it. I understand it, I really do. I have been in that dark hole, I have prayed the same prayers begging God for a least one days rest from it all. I have had the nights that bring no relief and the days that never seem to end, and the thoughts that getting out of bed it just too hard. I have seen family and friends honestly believe that ending their life is the best possible outcome. Although it's simply a physical chemical response that your Brain is signalling , in that state it does feel normal and logical to end it all at the time. Please listen to this voice and know, that although this seems endless and there is no way out, you WILL come through this. You will tell your own story one day and it will change someone else's life.
Let this be a light at the end of your tunnel. You will make it.
Let this be the sign you are looking for to keep going.
And for those whose suffering is to watch those they love experience the devastation, confusion and pain that depression and anxiety brings, this too will end. I have sat on the couch wondering if my husband would ever return home again. I have rehearsed what I would have to say to my son when I recieved the news. It is tiring and devastating to watch and it feels like there isn't much you can do. Here's the thing, unless you have been there, you cannot imagine depression/anxiety/depersonalisation. It is pretty much impossible to explain and it gets frustrating. If you are in a situation where the person you love is not well/suffering, unconditional love is something they need. Well that was what we both needed when we suffered. Be prepared for irrationality, irritability and for that person to maybe not function to the same level they could. I believe there is a lot of healing time ( rest) needed to help recover from depression. Time where there is no expectation from anyone. Sometimes when you are depressed, the slightest feeling that someone is depending on you whether it be someone you love or your workplace, can be overwhelming. Things that were once second nature, become draining. To the point where getting out of bed is actually something that seems too much to bear. Let alone leaving the house, seeing and interacting with people and facing life. With depression it is all consuming so people may become extremely self focused. Sometimes people who were once strong, dominant and focused become quiet, lost and scared and withdrawn. Let them know that although you don't understand how it feels, you are there. You are going to see them through this no matter what. Also make sure YOU have someone else to talk to about it all, it can get so draining and you need to look out for yourself too.
While I cant comment on your experience, here is what really helps me when I am struggling the most. Having a good network around me of people who know my situation. Friends treating me normally helps make me feel more normal. Friends and family that dont have an expectation on me and can accept where I am at, and in turn help me to accept it. People who when I dont feel myself, just hold my hand. Sometimes that speaks so much louder than words. The thing is, this time is going to be unpredictable, that is what depression is all about. You change from mood to mood and there is no telling what is next. It is so hard for the people around and it is the true test of love. Depression is completely inconsistant, so to have someone there who is consistant in their love and concern and response is priceless, it provides a rock and a safe place when everything else in your mind and heart is shifting and shaky.
The journey through depression will change you and the people around you. It gives you depth to life, It gives you life experience, it forces you to need God and it teaches you the true meaning of trusting Him and allows you to see God at His most beautiful, as a comforter. It changes your relationships and tests them to the core. Let me tell you something that is 100% true in my marriage, if you can make it through depression together, you can make it through anything.
Woh, where did that blog come from !? hope it wasnt too heavy. Hope it was helpful. It is only my experience so take or leave whatever you like and dont like.
Phew and with that I am about to watch Gossip Girl Season 3...Im hooked!!
Sleep tight, xxoo
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