Get Real, Banana Peel.

The true reality in writing out my journey for the world to read is, one day, my children may read this and ask a lot of questions.

I wasn't prepared however, for my 8 year old to start quite so early. I mentioned to Jason a few days ago that I needed to pick up my medication.

Sam piped up with : " I didn't know you needed medicine Mum, I thought you were healthy! How long have you been taking that medicine for? "

" Oh......about 8.5 years", I replied - exchanging glances with my husband.

" That's exactly how old I am mum! You must have started taking that medicine right near when I was born!"

I froze. Yep. That's right little buddy, having you sent me to the funny farm ;) Just jokes, but what could I say? I chose the old : "So whoooo wants a muffin?!"

At what age can I say what happened, and will I be all healed by then? Will this all be a memory and a story I'll get to tell them that seems so distant and not thought of anymore? At the start of this journey I cursed God and his timing. But the longer I spend here on this page of my life, the better I'm understanding the whole book. 8 years in a bubble of numb. I really didn't think I'd survive that, let alone look down the barrel of an uncertain sentence. Let alone learn to somewhat thrive in the storm!!

You know what though, I'm not going to hide this from them, when the time comes, it comes. Just like I don't hide it from you. Let's be real. I want them to know that this exists, and sadly due to genetics, it's possible they might experience it to some degree. Let's talk about it.

Talk about it.

Talk about your suffering, or bad attitude, or indiscretion. Pick someone you trust that loves you and TELL THEM.

Life is all about being real. We all have a heart beat, we all get hurt, we all fall short. Don't be afraid of it. We were born into sin and pain. Don't pretend it isn't there.

Look at it square in the eye and face it, demolish it, get victory over it.

I remember once a doctor said to me :

" Lisa I don't know what to do with you, I feel so desperately to save you, I don't know how. We've tried everything, I don't know what else I can do...Just lay low and pray it goes away. "

You know what Mr psychiatrist, just because you don't have the answer doesn't mean God doesn't. I said to him:

"Ummm. Nah. I'm not gonna rock in a ball in foetal position in the corner of my lounge another day. I'm not going to lay-low and pretend this isn't happening. I'm going to look at each day the best I can and do what I can with what I have left".

Let me tell you friends, God surely blessed that decision. Each task I say yes to, God fulfills the needs I have for it to be done. Each time I feel like I can't and shouldn't and I'm not qualified and people don't know my brain and how weird this feels and, and, and and....Each time I step out, God gives me the next piece of the puzzle. I have often said to my husband that it's like blackness, complete darkness since this all happened. Each step a lantern, torch, whatever, has lit up the very next stepping stone In front of me. Enough for me to feel secure and safe, but 100% completely unsure and yep, afraid, of what's ahead. Which for an utter control freak, is torture. But it's worth it.

Get real, banana peel. We are all human with our own stuff, tell someone.

On a last note, don't forget how much God loves you. Like He really does. Not because of performance, but literally just because He does. Because you are His. Because you belong. Share your thoughts with Him.

Just now, Bella runs to me after chewing on her cheek, she has a new thing for chewies thanks Aunty Wasell ( Rochelle). I love it, she's hilarious. But I heard her scream from 4 rooms away as I was doing my hair in the bathroom. I heard the crying getting closer and closer. She got to me and asked for a cuddle and of course, I obliged and comforted her with "baby, it hurts I know. It's ok" . With that she ran off back to the cubby.

That's all she wanted. That's all she needed.

It didn't take the pain away, it didn't stop it from happening and no doubt it will happen again. But she needed that placebo moment of comfort that makes children think the pain disappears the second Mummy kisses it. She got hurt and went to the place she knew would love and comfort and accept her, no pants and all.

This is God. His one request is that you come as you are. Don't sugar coat it, don't pray like you're reciting a speech, just chat to Him. Open up. Let Him be your bestie.

He's the best kind of friend.

All my love xx

Comments

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