Anchored To Hope

Here's a fun fact. I met Jason when I was a teenager, and I fell in love with him before I actually properly met him. True story.  It was a weird night. I went to this event called Church Together at the Adelaide Entertainment Centre where all the churches in SA , well,  come together. I went with my friends and we sat to the side of the stage. I looked down and saw the " 2 bucks crew" a bunch of boys who did crazy stuff together. The worship songs were playing, we were singing.  My eyes wandered over to these single boys, who happened to be my age, skate board, punk music....of course I was there for Jesus ;) Instantly something ( someone ) caught my eye. Of all of those boys all sitting together down near the stage, one stood. One stood alone, with his strong arms raised to Jesus, and it was real. You could just tell. I was mesmerised. I said then and there to God :  " that is exactly what I want ." At that moment that boy standing up looked over a...

Is it just me, or is life ridiculously busy right now? Maybe I'm tired. I think we are always busy. Every one always seems tired, or run down or time poor. We live fast don't we. Faster than I ever did as a child. In so many ways it seems so much more productive, and yet in other ways I feel ripped off. Like the other day I had to wait for someone while Bella and I were in the car, and for a second I held her hand. Then I found myself really looking for a long time. I found myself intricately looking over her finger prints, her nail bed, the texture of her skin, softness of her little fingers.  I over look that treasure every day.  Recently I was having one of those days, where your mind is on fire with thoughts of doubt and heaviness. I'd been feeling pretty gross about the fact that I even need medication to live a normal life, plus the affect it has on my once athletic body, long and short term. I Was being overcome with thoughts about not being the best version ...

The weight of the world Today Bella was exhausted and sad and had a little trip down the stairs, she ran up to me and sat on the couch and exhaled  " huuuuug?"  So I scooped her up and gave her a cuddle, but a cuddle wouldn't suffice. She was tired and hurt, so I put my arm under her and picked her up, and again she let out another  big sigh and calmed down. Sometimes the weight of her little issues in life get to her, sometimes the ground is wet or she doesn't understand something ( like the road!!!!) so we grab her and lift her out of the place she is in. In time, we will teach her how to do that herself.  I know back when I first was really unwell when I had sammy 8 years ago, my Dad was Jesus in flesh to me. He literally kept me alive. He had me in the emergency room 3 nights in a row. I remember it being crazy busy and at one point his eyes welled with tears and he cried out to everyone:   " Somebody please help my baby ". Anxiety disor...

Happy Easter beautiful readers. Thank you for relentlessly taking this journey with me. To say it humbles me would be an incredible understatement. What an amazing time of year. Easter. The notion that what we believe isn't a story, but in fact a reality, and it begs us to re-evaluate the true state of happenings we are living in. One would dare say, a state of emergency. Isn't it so incredibly easy to have God in the background , and keep busy in our treasures we are storing on this earth, which ultimately have zero value. I find  One always  gives way to the other. I know for me, in the times when Jesus is so madly on my case ( well He always is, I just don't always want to listen ) I get this glimpse of what walking in the spirit of Jesus actually looks like. What my life should look like everyday. But I've got my own stuff to do, my own TV shows to obsess over, my own problems to mull over, my own children to take up my time. I segregate God and my life, li...

8 years ago today everything changed. I often find these night-before times challenging.  Tonight, it hurts.  Sam is 8 tomorrow. This time 8 years ago I was going into labor and I was ecstatic, scared, excited- so many things. Jas and I were busting to be parents, my pregnancy was a dream, the baby was healthy, I had dreamed of being a mummy and it was about to happen! I remember in all of these emotions, sitting on the edge of my bed that night and praying this prayer:  "Jesus, do whatever it takes to rid me of this anxiety, so that my children never have to suffer."  I didn't realise the answer to that prayer was 12 hours away, and I didn't realise just how much it would cost to see that prayer answered. I had an easier way in mind,  just take the anxiety I had suffered all my life, away. In one big magic trick, ready... And gone. But Jesus loves me way too much to let me get what I want without the character and hard yards, and I am forev...

Most people who know me well, know that I take and post a trillion photos. Those moments are frozen in time. I get obsessed with it. Even more so since dp ( depersonalisation; if this sounds like another language have a peep at the first few blogs :) hit my life, photos became a life line, to look back a see something that I can't recall, it's a healing balm. Recently we experienced bush fires in our state, and when we received the instruction to " get what's important and get out", I grabbed the photos and my kids ( my husband also obviously ;) I looked around at the rest of the house, and if it all burned, it could be replaced. It had little value. Actually in that moment, I realised it had no value.  I'm obsessive, I like to know why things work they Way the do, and what makes them stay that way. I am always analysing life. Like the other day I was getting my nails done...my nails. That little silly bit on our fingers that needs to be cut. We ...

Today I had the privilege of watching the beautiful view from our bedroom, and to watch Bella see a butterfly for the first time. We watched it sit on the blossoms and then all of a sudden, to Bella's amazement,  it flew!! Bella couldn't believe it! The butterflies flew up and down and all around the garden. They flew where ever they wanted with abandon. The colours were bright and beautiful, they were free. In that moment I heard a whisper into my soul. I love these whispers, they have sustained me. Jesus quietly spoke to my heart and revealed to me that as caterpillars, the butterflies lived a completely different life. They didn't know at the time that a transformation was taking place, and in the cocoon, in the darkest time when the world seemed the most bleak, that's when the greatest change of all was taking place. In our cocoons, trials, suffering , the fire refines us. It burns away garbage and whatever it leaves becomes invaluable and strong. The pain in ...