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A matter of time. Xx

Life is an unpredictable rush.

Someone once said " the days are long, but the years are short."

Isn't that the truth !?
Thoughts like " Gee I wish Bella could just be at school so I can be more productive", Followed closely by the utter devastation that she is already 3 years old. She's been on the planet for 3 years. Before that she wasn't here. Where was she? Sometimes I cannot even believe that my body created, held and birthed my children. From nothing; their eyes, body parts, vital organs, BRAINS  were formed. Inside my tummy that didn't have anything but my organs in there. How did that even happen? Where did the eyeballs come from and how did they even get in my tummy? How did an entire new person enter this world all of a sudden?
They are half me and half Jason!! How incredibly mental!!!
Something I've realised since having children is that they have now become the measuring stick for how fast life is going. Sam is 8 years old, I was pregnant 8 years ago. Whaaaaaat!? I've had a special-brain- thing for 8 years!!
Bella was born last week, so it makes no sense at all that she even dare be 3 years old. I don't know about you but I forever time-jump in my mind, in 5 years I'll have a teenager. But really in about 2 years he'll start doing teenager-ish stuff. (Which brings me to another reason why I lay awake at night....why are kids growing up so early these days? That's an entire other blog that I will tackle one day.)

Moral of the story...time stops for nobody.

I'm obsessed with working life out. I ask myself and God a million questions a day at a million miles per hour. Why? How? When? Will this work if...? How old will I be when I die? Will my kids grown to love God? Is the human brain as adaptable and mouldable as we think? What if my heart just didn't pump? There are so many things taking place in our bodies right now just to Keep us alive!
And then the realisation that Sam is 8 and those 8 years went this fast, which means in another 8 years he will be 16....16 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nope.

Time is our best friend and worst enemy all rolled into one ball of confusion and gratitude. It's gone and we grieve, but it's still here so we grab hold of it and anticipate something better from it in the future.

Recently some of my closest people have been living in hellish circumstances. Time has become torture. It moves slowly for them yet each breath that escapes is another second spent without someone they love. Time heals and crushes all at once. Maybe the more it passes the less it will hurt. But the more it passes the greater the loss seems at times.
At the passing of the Father of one of my very, very dearest humans recently, she shared how as she held her daddy's hands in hospital, she realised that those were the same hands that held her as a baby and raised her. ( I have to say here, that her resilience and strength in this time has been astounding, not that I'm surprised, but boy am I proud.)
I can't help but think that as invincible as we all feel, that day is coming- full speed towards us. No matter who we are or what we do, in a matter of give or take- 100 years, everyone we know on the face of this planet will not be here anymore. Our time would have come and gone. The Kardashians, Justin Bieber....just a page in history.
So what the heck are we doing then? If you put it in perspective, a third of my life is gone. That's if I even live to a nice old age. One day very soon my kids are going to refer to me as old, out of touch, out of date.
This is why I love the heart of God, that although the message does not change, the method can. God finds ways to inhabit his people and present the gospel for a new generation. He is the master inventor, more creative than all of the designers in this world combined. As each day passes culture changes, man buns become cool, MySpace becomes the most breakthrough and the most dated fad within a year. Things are coming and going at an increasingly faster pace that it ever was in my childhood and adolescence.

I thank God for the willingness of the next group of people coming through, the ones who despite how much the world changes around them, refuse to submit themselves to the mundane life that begs them to settle for what the world offers. I thank God on behalf of my children. I get so much relief and energy from being around teenagers who want to know more and fight for what they believe, my kids are already learning more from their example than they will ever learn from mine. Don't fear change, not in your own life and not in the life of the church. God remains the same, His truths remain unequivocally un changeable. Just because you see the method around you changing, does not mean that the message has.

We get one shot at this life. I often say goodbye to the day and Lay pondering that fact that this day will never come again. My children will never be exactly this age again. Today, regardless of what did or didn't happen, is gone, done with, finished. And at the speed of light tomorrow will be gone too. Before we know it our children's children will be growing in this world and inhabiting this life as if it where never ending, just as we do now. But the reality is, our days are numbered.

Make each one count.
Let God be who He says He is, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
Soak in all of today. Take the time to see the life around you and let is seep into your heart and mind. Go slower. Breath deeper. Be thankful.

I love you. Xx



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