Skip to main content

A matter of time. Xx

Life is an unpredictable rush.

Someone once said " the days are long, but the years are short."

Isn't that the truth !?
Thoughts like " Gee I wish Bella could just be at school so I can be more productive", Followed closely by the utter devastation that she is already 3 years old. She's been on the planet for 3 years. Before that she wasn't here. Where was she? Sometimes I cannot even believe that my body created, held and birthed my children. From nothing; their eyes, body parts, vital organs, BRAINS  were formed. Inside my tummy that didn't have anything but my organs in there. How did that even happen? Where did the eyeballs come from and how did they even get in my tummy? How did an entire new person enter this world all of a sudden?
They are half me and half Jason!! How incredibly mental!!!
Something I've realised since having children is that they have now become the measuring stick for how fast life is going. Sam is 8 years old, I was pregnant 8 years ago. Whaaaaaat!? I've had a special-brain- thing for 8 years!!
Bella was born last week, so it makes no sense at all that she even dare be 3 years old. I don't know about you but I forever time-jump in my mind, in 5 years I'll have a teenager. But really in about 2 years he'll start doing teenager-ish stuff. (Which brings me to another reason why I lay awake at night....why are kids growing up so early these days? That's an entire other blog that I will tackle one day.)

Moral of the story...time stops for nobody.

I'm obsessed with working life out. I ask myself and God a million questions a day at a million miles per hour. Why? How? When? Will this work if...? How old will I be when I die? Will my kids grown to love God? Is the human brain as adaptable and mouldable as we think? What if my heart just didn't pump? There are so many things taking place in our bodies right now just to Keep us alive!
And then the realisation that Sam is 8 and those 8 years went this fast, which means in another 8 years he will be 16....16 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nope.

Time is our best friend and worst enemy all rolled into one ball of confusion and gratitude. It's gone and we grieve, but it's still here so we grab hold of it and anticipate something better from it in the future.

Recently some of my closest people have been living in hellish circumstances. Time has become torture. It moves slowly for them yet each breath that escapes is another second spent without someone they love. Time heals and crushes all at once. Maybe the more it passes the less it will hurt. But the more it passes the greater the loss seems at times.
At the passing of the Father of one of my very, very dearest humans recently, she shared how as she held her daddy's hands in hospital, she realised that those were the same hands that held her as a baby and raised her. ( I have to say here, that her resilience and strength in this time has been astounding, not that I'm surprised, but boy am I proud.)
I can't help but think that as invincible as we all feel, that day is coming- full speed towards us. No matter who we are or what we do, in a matter of give or take- 100 years, everyone we know on the face of this planet will not be here anymore. Our time would have come and gone. The Kardashians, Justin Bieber....just a page in history.
So what the heck are we doing then? If you put it in perspective, a third of my life is gone. That's if I even live to a nice old age. One day very soon my kids are going to refer to me as old, out of touch, out of date.
This is why I love the heart of God, that although the message does not change, the method can. God finds ways to inhabit his people and present the gospel for a new generation. He is the master inventor, more creative than all of the designers in this world combined. As each day passes culture changes, man buns become cool, MySpace becomes the most breakthrough and the most dated fad within a year. Things are coming and going at an increasingly faster pace that it ever was in my childhood and adolescence.

I thank God for the willingness of the next group of people coming through, the ones who despite how much the world changes around them, refuse to submit themselves to the mundane life that begs them to settle for what the world offers. I thank God on behalf of my children. I get so much relief and energy from being around teenagers who want to know more and fight for what they believe, my kids are already learning more from their example than they will ever learn from mine. Don't fear change, not in your own life and not in the life of the church. God remains the same, His truths remain unequivocally un changeable. Just because you see the method around you changing, does not mean that the message has.

We get one shot at this life. I often say goodbye to the day and Lay pondering that fact that this day will never come again. My children will never be exactly this age again. Today, regardless of what did or didn't happen, is gone, done with, finished. And at the speed of light tomorrow will be gone too. Before we know it our children's children will be growing in this world and inhabiting this life as if it where never ending, just as we do now. But the reality is, our days are numbered.

Make each one count.
Let God be who He says He is, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
Soak in all of today. Take the time to see the life around you and let is seep into your heart and mind. Go slower. Breath deeper. Be thankful.

I love you. Xx



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Meet Me In The Mess xx

What a horrific week. Australia was left heart broken and the footy world gutted as we lost a key leader of the game to a disease of the mind- suicide. The christian world has been rocked by another young pastor with a young family , taking his life only days ago. As someone advocating for the awareness and treatment of mental illness for over 10 years via this blog-  We need to talk.  I’ve been asked my thoughts/ advice / experience on this latest topic of Pastors and Suicide and to be perfectly honest- it’s tough. It’s tough because there is no one size fits all. There is no “depression” and “anxiety” that fit neatly into a little box with a bow on top. It’s messy.  We’re messy. We all are. Do I believe God is still God and God is still good and brilliant and beautiful and a healer and a comforter? - Yes I do.  But I also believe we as a society are living beyond our means. We are over stimulated and under responsive, we’re addicted, w...

The Vicious Cycle

Last night, my husband sat with me in the car and we held hands in silence, as I let the tears roll down my cheeks. This continous cycle is almost predictable yet I cannot break it. Im not sure what to share and what to hold onto. I want this blog to be an inspiration, but I also promised truth. I believe by sharing the truth of the situation that in turn some of you can identify with the pain of this and feel less isolated. So, here I am. In the same lounge room that Sam learnt to crawl in , yet I have no recollection of him doing so. I'll take the chance now to tell you that I have found an amazing pycologist who is redefining my thoughts and perceptions of my entire life so far. The benefits have been immeasurable and the amount I have learnt is mind blowing, yet I reach this point where as much as that helps, I am still in the prison of my own mind and its perception of reality- I still feel removed from life and its emotions and responses. Can I just say, that le...

Bricks & Mortar

Happy Easter beautiful readers. Thank you for relentlessly taking this journey with me. To say it humbles me would be an incredible understatement. What an amazing time of year. Easter. The notion that what we believe isn't a story, but in fact a reality, and it begs us to re-evaluate the true state of happenings we are living in. One would dare say, a state of emergency. Isn't it so incredibly easy to have God in the background , and keep busy in our treasures we are storing on this earth, which ultimately have zero value. I find  One always  gives way to the other. I know for me, in the times when Jesus is so madly on my case ( well He always is, I just don't always want to listen ) I get this glimpse of what walking in the spirit of Jesus actually looks like. What my life should look like everyday. But I've got my own stuff to do, my own TV shows to obsess over, my own problems to mull over, my own children to take up my time. I segregate God and my life, li...

The Mess In The Message xx

Hey Fam! I wrote this blog last week, before the news of another pastor caught in a web of infidelity made its way to the headlines. Ouch. That one hurt my heart. They all do, but that one was deep. Thankfully, the only need we have is Jesus, the only mentor we can fully trust is Jesus. The only wisdom and encouragement we need is found in His word.  So with that in mind, here’s the words I plopped down last week:   Hello Friends, new and old. 2020. Here we are. On the eve of an election, in the heat of a pandemic, on the edge of our seats hoping and praying that 2021 will be a new start. We’re imperfect humans with a perfect God. We’re simultaneously broken and whole. We are living in this timeline of fallen humanity and perfect peace. Flesh and Spirit. We as humans are in the constant wrestle of the world and God, pleasure and pain, jealousy, anger, bitterness, forgiveness, happiness, desperation, excitement, disappointment. Essentially, if we a...

The best and worst day of the year

Hey folks, thanks for reading again. I really appreciate the feedback and encouragement. You are lovely. So today is an emotional day, especially for queenslanders in our country. Our prayers are with you xxoo I was hesitant to blog today, wanting to be sensitive to the natural disasters happening so closely around us, and also because it is an emotional day. A combination of my parents leaving for overseas for a month, and it being Sams birthday. We fit so much into one day, mcdonalds for breakfast, pizza hut for lunch, yogi bear at the movies, slip and slide, pirate ship dinner...massive day. So my little baby is 4. For those dealing with the same/similar condition as me you would know what I mean when I say I literally dont know where the years have gone. I think a sad thing is that Sams birthday is always going to be hard for me. I need to make it about him and his life, not about me. But I was saying to Jas on the way home tonight, it is really hard having Sams birthday, also b...

Butterflies and Caterpillars.

Today I had the privilege of watching the beautiful view from our bedroom, and to watch Bella see a butterfly for the first time. We watched it sit on the blossoms and then all of a sudden, to Bella's amazement,  it flew!! Bella couldn't believe it! The butterflies flew up and down and all around the garden. They flew where ever they wanted with abandon. The colours were bright and beautiful, they were free. In that moment I heard a whisper into my soul. I love these whispers, they have sustained me. Jesus quietly spoke to my heart and revealed to me that as caterpillars, the butterflies lived a completely different life. They didn't know at the time that a transformation was taking place, and in the cocoon, in the darkest time when the world seemed the most bleak, that's when the greatest change of all was taking place. In our cocoons, trials, suffering , the fire refines us. It burns away garbage and whatever it leaves becomes invaluable and strong. The pain in ...

The Village

I've aptly named this blog The Village. Being so because it's where I am physically and emotionally right now. The Village is the name of our local shop and as I sit here out the front of The Reject Shop, I'm realising that I have In fact, become a northerner ( Mum and sister, look away). I have a routine. I have my coffee shops. I have our Woolies. Today I saw our local doctor. While I sit here waiting for my script for Zoloft, (unashamedly because that's why we even have this blog, advocate of medication for life! On that note I was doing some reading today and found that codeine interacts with SSRI's and can cause serotonin syndrome or symptoms of it, so steer clear of that combination if you are on) I'm pondering the last hour of my life. I usually blame my husband for the fact that I can't go anywhere at our local shopping centre without seeing an array of people that I now call friend, because he has met and involved himself in the life of the ma...

Her First Smile

My niece loves me...YAY! She looks for me when someone else is holding her and when I talk to her she listens intently. It might be my dashing good looks, it might also be that I act like an insane ( excuse the pun :) preschooler when I talk to her and use any part of my body that will, to make a noise at her. She is just learning to smile, I am yet to receive one, but I am told her mummy did get 2 yesterday. Its funny how they go from being newborns, to adapting to the world in a matter of weeks. She is taking stuff in and learning who we are, she even copies me when I poke my tongue out! But seriously, how crazy is creation! That from nothing being in  our tummies, comes a baby with eyes and organs and an incredible brain. Where does all that stuff come from??? Like I know where so don't all reply with your dirty minds:), but I mean even when I was pregnant I'd look at my tummy and think, there is definitely no eyes in there to give a baby so how did he come out with them?!...

Jason

Jason. My husband. The human who knows when I'm exaggerating a story and gives me " the look." ( let's face it extroverts of the world, stories are always more awesome when you add a bit of volume). The human who can instantly tell when I'm suffering by one look at my face, and gets me to safety and comfort without either of us having said a word. The protector of my heart. The pursuer of my dreams. The messiest whilst being the most Hygienic person on God's green earth. Ladies and gentleman, Jason McPhee is an enigma. There is no box he fits in. There is no making sense of his nonsense. He is a non-stop outta control train that just keeps on racing through life....in the most unique, beautifully stunning way. Money is of no value to him. (Therefore, I go shopping on his behalf, for myself, just to keep things flowing.) But really, all I ever wanted in a best friend for life was someone with the same heart as my Daddy. They are few and far between. ...

That Time Of Year

Hello and welcome to the festive season! Our house was all ablaze yesterday with christmas decorations and the pageant and lights. Jason in this case, is definitely more the kid than Sam and I. Actually, Sam is quite the same as his dad and for those who know Jas, one of the first things you would know about him is that he is christmas obsessed. When he was 4 he told his mum that his dream when he grew up was to be Father Christmas. That dream unfortunately, still rings true in Jas's ears :) Bless his cotton ( and holey) socks off. So I had 2 kids yesterday ( inclusive of the big kid) running around the house singing and dancing. Sam was yelling "merry christmas and a happy new your" in his little accidental american accent ( I blame sesame street). I love how he is still mixing words up, I know that wont always be the case, but for now things like 'fat battery' and 'hide and sink' and still very cute and funny. I had one of those moments where you stop ...