Skip to main content

The Unkept Garden.




I can't complain about gardens, more often than not ours is the disgrace of the street, suburb even. If you give us something green, we will kill it. I promise.

When we lived south there was a Granny who lived across the road from Sam's school. She had long, long, loooong white hair, it was long. So long. She had eyes that pierced the soul like she knew about any secret that I possessed. She was the one who would be the serial killer in CSI or a thriller movie fo shaw!
Every morning rain or sun, winter or summer,  you would see her on her knees weeding every single weed. Every one. It was Immaculate. Between each carefully planted flower were pristine white rocks, positioned so perfectly it was like she laid each one in its place.  In the rain, she was there. In 40 degree heat, she was there. Her work spoke of her tenacity and discipline. Her garden praised her loyalty and dedication.

One day, she wasn't there.

The next day, she wasn't there.

Slowly each day, I watched her precious prize that she had meticulously loved and cared for, diminish into an unkept forest.
Her masterpiece betrayed her. Without her, it had lost control. It had lost direction. What was once so beautiful, was a shadow of its former self. A " for sale" sign went up, the place was purchased and the garden was demolished and replaced with concrete. The single rose bush that was kept was like the former garden whispering that it once existed. That it once looked over south road and Sunrise Christian School and kept rhythm to all of our routines. It was loved and maintained and cared for, it was glorious. Was.

Like anything you care about maintaining whether it be your nails, gardens or health and fitness, it take pruning and constant attention. It takes discipline and tenacity. If it matters to you, you weed it, you water it, you care for it. You nurture it.

If you don't, it dies.

Some people ask Jas and I how we got to where we are today, which of course makes us laugh because where we are is seemingly so very far from where we could be or want to be. What did it take? How did we survive something so brutal and painful? How do we walk a road of ministry mixed with mental illness?

This is how....

We nuture when we feel like punching.
We love when we feel resentment.
We stay when we feel like walking away.
We weed the filth that we constantly grow it each other's lives and we replace it with laughter and teasing and being together.

Do you know how hard it has been to maintain our overgrown forest of a marriage? Not easy. Ask anyone married for a long period of time. A good marriage does not come easy, especially when you have lived a lot of life together and life has thrown its irrefutable curve balls at you.
But here's the key to why you will never hear that the McPhee's got a divorce...

You will drive past the proverbial Sunrise Christian School and see us out on our knees weeding the hearts of each other and our children. You will see us watering and trimming and on our hands and knees doing the ground work to make this work.
To make the most of every single thing we have been entrusted. We will weed our ministry and our own personal lives because whatever you don't maintain will die.

This is also so very relatable to our walk with God.
If I'm on a health kick it has uptake. Making a green juice the first day is awesome, I feel great. But that juice I spent an hour adding horrid ingredients to until it tastes like something out of Bella's nappy, it is no good for me the next day.
That juice I made yesterday was awesome for that day, but it isn't helping me get through today with a health kick. I need to make another one and another and another....

Our relationship with God is the same.
Our relationship with reading God's word is the same. If we rely on what we were taught as kids or what we read last week, we start to lose that sustenance we need constantly. You know where I'm going with this. It's so Christianese but it's one of the core issues with this generation so constantly feeling far away from God. God doesn't leave, we do. God doesn't stop talking, we stop listening.

Can I encourage you to weed your filth. Weed your family garden, weed your marriage, your unforgiveness. Fight for the beautiful garden that you should rightfully own. Work hard for it. Don't give up on it. You get one life. Everyone you have around you is a blessing not promised tomorrow.
Look. After. It.
If you've forgotten what that garden could even look like, it's still there I promise. Just keep chipping away at it, each thorn you pull out and each rose bush that you prune is making a difference.

Fight for it.

All my love xx


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Meet Me In The Mess xx

What a horrific week. Australia was left heart broken and the footy world gutted as we lost a key leader of the game to a disease of the mind- suicide. The christian world has been rocked by another young pastor with a young family , taking his life only days ago. As someone advocating for the awareness and treatment of mental illness for over 10 years via this blog-  We need to talk.  I’ve been asked my thoughts/ advice / experience on this latest topic of Pastors and Suicide and to be perfectly honest- it’s tough. It’s tough because there is no one size fits all. There is no “depression” and “anxiety” that fit neatly into a little box with a bow on top. It’s messy.  We’re messy. We all are. Do I believe God is still God and God is still good and brilliant and beautiful and a healer and a comforter? - Yes I do.  But I also believe we as a society are living beyond our means. We are over stimulated and under responsive, we’re addicted, w...

Bricks & Mortar

Happy Easter beautiful readers. Thank you for relentlessly taking this journey with me. To say it humbles me would be an incredible understatement. What an amazing time of year. Easter. The notion that what we believe isn't a story, but in fact a reality, and it begs us to re-evaluate the true state of happenings we are living in. One would dare say, a state of emergency. Isn't it so incredibly easy to have God in the background , and keep busy in our treasures we are storing on this earth, which ultimately have zero value. I find  One always  gives way to the other. I know for me, in the times when Jesus is so madly on my case ( well He always is, I just don't always want to listen ) I get this glimpse of what walking in the spirit of Jesus actually looks like. What my life should look like everyday. But I've got my own stuff to do, my own TV shows to obsess over, my own problems to mull over, my own children to take up my time. I segregate God and my life, li...

The Vicious Cycle

Last night, my husband sat with me in the car and we held hands in silence, as I let the tears roll down my cheeks. This continous cycle is almost predictable yet I cannot break it. Im not sure what to share and what to hold onto. I want this blog to be an inspiration, but I also promised truth. I believe by sharing the truth of the situation that in turn some of you can identify with the pain of this and feel less isolated. So, here I am. In the same lounge room that Sam learnt to crawl in , yet I have no recollection of him doing so. I'll take the chance now to tell you that I have found an amazing pycologist who is redefining my thoughts and perceptions of my entire life so far. The benefits have been immeasurable and the amount I have learnt is mind blowing, yet I reach this point where as much as that helps, I am still in the prison of my own mind and its perception of reality- I still feel removed from life and its emotions and responses. Can I just say, that le...

The Mess In The Message xx

Hey Fam! I wrote this blog last week, before the news of another pastor caught in a web of infidelity made its way to the headlines. Ouch. That one hurt my heart. They all do, but that one was deep. Thankfully, the only need we have is Jesus, the only mentor we can fully trust is Jesus. The only wisdom and encouragement we need is found in His word.  So with that in mind, here’s the words I plopped down last week:   Hello Friends, new and old. 2020. Here we are. On the eve of an election, in the heat of a pandemic, on the edge of our seats hoping and praying that 2021 will be a new start. We’re imperfect humans with a perfect God. We’re simultaneously broken and whole. We are living in this timeline of fallen humanity and perfect peace. Flesh and Spirit. We as humans are in the constant wrestle of the world and God, pleasure and pain, jealousy, anger, bitterness, forgiveness, happiness, desperation, excitement, disappointment. Essentially, if we a...

The best and worst day of the year

Hey folks, thanks for reading again. I really appreciate the feedback and encouragement. You are lovely. So today is an emotional day, especially for queenslanders in our country. Our prayers are with you xxoo I was hesitant to blog today, wanting to be sensitive to the natural disasters happening so closely around us, and also because it is an emotional day. A combination of my parents leaving for overseas for a month, and it being Sams birthday. We fit so much into one day, mcdonalds for breakfast, pizza hut for lunch, yogi bear at the movies, slip and slide, pirate ship dinner...massive day. So my little baby is 4. For those dealing with the same/similar condition as me you would know what I mean when I say I literally dont know where the years have gone. I think a sad thing is that Sams birthday is always going to be hard for me. I need to make it about him and his life, not about me. But I was saying to Jas on the way home tonight, it is really hard having Sams birthday, also b...

Butterflies and Caterpillars.

Today I had the privilege of watching the beautiful view from our bedroom, and to watch Bella see a butterfly for the first time. We watched it sit on the blossoms and then all of a sudden, to Bella's amazement,  it flew!! Bella couldn't believe it! The butterflies flew up and down and all around the garden. They flew where ever they wanted with abandon. The colours were bright and beautiful, they were free. In that moment I heard a whisper into my soul. I love these whispers, they have sustained me. Jesus quietly spoke to my heart and revealed to me that as caterpillars, the butterflies lived a completely different life. They didn't know at the time that a transformation was taking place, and in the cocoon, in the darkest time when the world seemed the most bleak, that's when the greatest change of all was taking place. In our cocoons, trials, suffering , the fire refines us. It burns away garbage and whatever it leaves becomes invaluable and strong. The pain in ...

That Time Of Year

Hello and welcome to the festive season! Our house was all ablaze yesterday with christmas decorations and the pageant and lights. Jason in this case, is definitely more the kid than Sam and I. Actually, Sam is quite the same as his dad and for those who know Jas, one of the first things you would know about him is that he is christmas obsessed. When he was 4 he told his mum that his dream when he grew up was to be Father Christmas. That dream unfortunately, still rings true in Jas's ears :) Bless his cotton ( and holey) socks off. So I had 2 kids yesterday ( inclusive of the big kid) running around the house singing and dancing. Sam was yelling "merry christmas and a happy new your" in his little accidental american accent ( I blame sesame street). I love how he is still mixing words up, I know that wont always be the case, but for now things like 'fat battery' and 'hide and sink' and still very cute and funny. I had one of those moments where you stop ...

Till Death Do Us Part

Here's a fun fact. I met Jason when I was a teenager, and I fell in love with him before I actually properly met him. True story.  It was a weird night. I went to this event called Church Together at the Adelaide Entertainment Centre where all the churches in SA , well,  come together. I went with my friends and we sat to the side of the stage. I looked down and saw the " 2 bucks crew" a bunch of boys who did crazy stuff together. The worship songs were playing, we were singing.  My eyes wandered over to these single boys, who happened to be my age, skate board, punk music....of course I was there for Jesus ;) Instantly something ( someone ) caught my eye. Of all of those boys all sitting together down near the stage, one stood. One stood alone, with his strong arms raised to Jesus, and it was real. You could just tell. I was mesmerised. I said then and there to God :  " that is exactly what I want ." At that moment that boy standing up looked over a...

2019 : Fresh Or Fester

Welcome to 2019 my friends! I always get this niggle right before a blog makes its complicated and tumultuous journey from my brain to the page. A brewing if you will.  It’s this amalgamation of what is being taught to my mind and what I’m experiencing in my heart. Mixed with ramblings from my wild and at some times unkept mind.  Every day is a choice.  New Years is interesting isn’t it?  We all of a sudden have a clean out.  We de clutter our homes and our minds.  We anticipate change.  A fresh start.  Our “best year yet”.  It’s like we sit and wait and hope with clenched hands over hearts that “This will be the year” etc. It’s noble at best, but empty if not met with the outworking that such a notion requires. So what does the outworking look like?  Because without a change in behaviour, 2019 will slowly but surely be a continued pattern of 2018. Life is a continuous set of choices.  So in ...

Feeling the Love

Hello Friends, Firstly, thank you. It has been incredibly encouraging and lovely to recieve so much feedback and personal stories from you all.  Thank you for listening and caring. Isn't depression and anxiety such a...a...cough cough, I won't insert the words that first came to mind :) It affects so many of us and we struggle through, mostly alone. Lets talk about it, get it out, get help, get better. I love you all so very much. Today was a good day, we went to the zoo with friends, Sam was funny. He is starting to remember things that I don't and it makes me sad, but I think part of that is also plain old life. Enrollments for kindy went thru today and Sammy is starting next term.  Crazy!!! My niece Anna is too cute, I love to cuddle her ( although I try to dismiss the constant self analysis " do I love her?", " should I feel more towards her", silly old brain). The fact is, shes damn cute :) A few of you asked so I thought I'd update on the ...