Skip to main content

A Day Of Sparta

Sorry for my laziness yesterday, I am still yet to decide how often I will blog. Everyday? every second day? hmmmm I will think about it. I do like recording the day as it unfolds so we'll see how it goes. Big shout out to ICK, your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and you light up my life and I love you.xxoo
What. A. Day...it was heaps of fun. We had a Sparta competition which is my husband and some of his friends dressing from the movie 300 and bronzing themselves to see who looks the most buff, basically an excuse to take photos in their jocks and get away with it. But it was so sunny and Sam and his friend Molly splashed in the pool, and I was surrounded by people that I love so much, that I barely assessed where I was at, I was able to just be and enjoy it for what I could. The sun shine helped too. Sam seems so old :( He is talking constantly, no exaggeration, constantly. Just the words he puts together and his responses, he is no longer a baby. The kindy countdown is on. ( Insert both sad and happy faces).

I was talking to my friends Olive (n+d) and Liv (B1) today, and we were talking about change. They are amazing, taking on the world and beating it all the time. Ive learnt a lot from such  women. Anyway, we were all talking about how 2 years ago if they was sitting in my lounge room we would have been complete strangers, and now its hard to imagine life any differently. As a general rule, I hate change. Well I love it too, I like new things like re-arranging the house. But I dont like permanent change, I think because it means I am not in control. But if I think back, more often than not, change has always been for the better. That probably has a lot to do with the fact that God has brought it about in my life.
When we pray we kind of tell God what the answer will be, wait for Him to do it, and then complain when He doesnt do what we asked. When all along, He IS making things new, He IS answering our cries, He IS at work. I think His plan for our lives is way better than our own and no matter how much it seems that He isnt hearing us, or doing what we think He needs to, He is always doing His best will and plan for our lives. Regardless of whether we like it, asked for it, or thank Him for it. I thats why when I look back, although I didnt ask for the exact things He put in my path, the trials or the new people or change in my life, He has been there all along guiding my next step. To judge it at the time and ask where God was, would be to put it out of context because His plan is always unfolding. And I believe that my healing is unfolding. I dont know how or when or what it will look like, but all that I do know is that the road ahead is black to me, and Jesus is lighting the path enough for me to see where to put my next step down, and thats about it. I dont really have the ability to look forward right now, but I also dont have the ability to look back. So for now, He will keep lighting those next footsteps for me, and I will keep following.
I need Him.
Change is the scariest possibility, it is rarely comfortable and often uninviting to embrace. But when Jesus is your guide and you have asked for His will, may I encourage you to embrace it with both hands because chances are, It is Jesus who has got you where you are today, for His perfect plan.  Sometimes I fall in the trap of over thinking what is God and what isnt, when really, with my healing, I see it all as Him because I choose to. Marcus being my doctor, is all about God. The friends He has given me to be with me in life and along the way are perfectly suited to me in everyway and they add so much to my life. His hand in my life in undeniable. Im sure if you stood back and had a good look, you too would see that hand through your life. Not answering every prayer you ever asked for and giving you everything you think you wanted, but gently guiding you into better and deeper places in life than you ever imagined you could get to or get past. He isnt our sugar daddy, He is our strength and provider of what is best for us, and He knows what is best.

Thankyou Jesus that you know me, you love me. You have handcrafted my heart and mind and you are at work in my situation, with the best outcome possible insight. Thankyou that you know better than I. xxoo

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Vicious Cycle

Last night, my husband sat with me in the car and we held hands in silence, as I let the tears roll down my cheeks. This continous cycle is almost predictable yet I cannot break it. Im not sure what to share and what to hold onto. I want this blog to be an inspiration, but I also promised truth. I believe by sharing the truth of the situation that in turn some of you can identify with the pain of this and feel less isolated. So, here I am. In the same lounge room that Sam learnt to crawl in , yet I have no recollection of him doing so. I'll take the chance now to tell you that I have found an amazing pycologist who is redefining my thoughts and perceptions of my entire life so far. The benefits have been immeasurable and the amount I have learnt is mind blowing, yet I reach this point where as much as that helps, I am still in the prison of my own mind and its perception of reality- I still feel removed from life and its emotions and responses. Can I just say, that le...

Meet Me In The Mess xx

What a horrific week. Australia was left heart broken and the footy world gutted as we lost a key leader of the game to a disease of the mind- suicide. The christian world has been rocked by another young pastor with a young family , taking his life only days ago. As someone advocating for the awareness and treatment of mental illness for over 10 years via this blog-  We need to talk.  I’ve been asked my thoughts/ advice / experience on this latest topic of Pastors and Suicide and to be perfectly honest- it’s tough. It’s tough because there is no one size fits all. There is no “depression” and “anxiety” that fit neatly into a little box with a bow on top. It’s messy.  We’re messy. We all are. Do I believe God is still God and God is still good and brilliant and beautiful and a healer and a comforter? - Yes I do.  But I also believe we as a society are living beyond our means. We are over stimulated and under responsive, we’re addicted, w...

The things we are made of...

Friends, family, readers near and far, thank you once again for your ongoing love and support. Sometimes when I write I feel like maybe Im the only reader :).  I was absolutely staggered to find that there are readers in Indonesia, Canada, Malaysia, Denmark, Germany, Slovenia, Brazil, Spain, UK, United States, as well as our good old Australia. I consider it a complete honour that you would take the time to share my journey, and my biggest hearts desire is that it somehow helps you on your own journey through life. Thank you xxoo Happy Easter!!! It was so long wasnt it??!! So many days off in a row! We went to a camp site, wow, so much respect goes out to parents who can manage taking kids along to such events...haha I am still recovering. :) I hope it was a lovely break for you all. With so much commercialism being thrown in our faces all the time, it really is an easy task to buy the easter eggs, pack the camping gear and play tennis. Forgetting and disregarding the ...

The Mess In The Message xx

Hey Fam! I wrote this blog last week, before the news of another pastor caught in a web of infidelity made its way to the headlines. Ouch. That one hurt my heart. They all do, but that one was deep. Thankfully, the only need we have is Jesus, the only mentor we can fully trust is Jesus. The only wisdom and encouragement we need is found in His word.  So with that in mind, here’s the words I plopped down last week:   Hello Friends, new and old. 2020. Here we are. On the eve of an election, in the heat of a pandemic, on the edge of our seats hoping and praying that 2021 will be a new start. We’re imperfect humans with a perfect God. We’re simultaneously broken and whole. We are living in this timeline of fallen humanity and perfect peace. Flesh and Spirit. We as humans are in the constant wrestle of the world and God, pleasure and pain, jealousy, anger, bitterness, forgiveness, happiness, desperation, excitement, disappointment. Essentially, if we a...

Bricks & Mortar

Happy Easter beautiful readers. Thank you for relentlessly taking this journey with me. To say it humbles me would be an incredible understatement. What an amazing time of year. Easter. The notion that what we believe isn't a story, but in fact a reality, and it begs us to re-evaluate the true state of happenings we are living in. One would dare say, a state of emergency. Isn't it so incredibly easy to have God in the background , and keep busy in our treasures we are storing on this earth, which ultimately have zero value. I find  One always  gives way to the other. I know for me, in the times when Jesus is so madly on my case ( well He always is, I just don't always want to listen ) I get this glimpse of what walking in the spirit of Jesus actually looks like. What my life should look like everyday. But I've got my own stuff to do, my own TV shows to obsess over, my own problems to mull over, my own children to take up my time. I segregate God and my life, li...

The best and worst day of the year

Hey folks, thanks for reading again. I really appreciate the feedback and encouragement. You are lovely. So today is an emotional day, especially for queenslanders in our country. Our prayers are with you xxoo I was hesitant to blog today, wanting to be sensitive to the natural disasters happening so closely around us, and also because it is an emotional day. A combination of my parents leaving for overseas for a month, and it being Sams birthday. We fit so much into one day, mcdonalds for breakfast, pizza hut for lunch, yogi bear at the movies, slip and slide, pirate ship dinner...massive day. So my little baby is 4. For those dealing with the same/similar condition as me you would know what I mean when I say I literally dont know where the years have gone. I think a sad thing is that Sams birthday is always going to be hard for me. I need to make it about him and his life, not about me. But I was saying to Jas on the way home tonight, it is really hard having Sams birthday, also b...

Butterflies and Caterpillars.

Today I had the privilege of watching the beautiful view from our bedroom, and to watch Bella see a butterfly for the first time. We watched it sit on the blossoms and then all of a sudden, to Bella's amazement,  it flew!! Bella couldn't believe it! The butterflies flew up and down and all around the garden. They flew where ever they wanted with abandon. The colours were bright and beautiful, they were free. In that moment I heard a whisper into my soul. I love these whispers, they have sustained me. Jesus quietly spoke to my heart and revealed to me that as caterpillars, the butterflies lived a completely different life. They didn't know at the time that a transformation was taking place, and in the cocoon, in the darkest time when the world seemed the most bleak, that's when the greatest change of all was taking place. In our cocoons, trials, suffering , the fire refines us. It burns away garbage and whatever it leaves becomes invaluable and strong. The pain in ...

embrace the day

Hey Ho folks, Here we are again. It has been a little while since my last blog ( that felt like a confession;)  Ive had heaps of thoughts and ups and downs and sometimes I dont blog it all, only because I dont want to be negative. With depression, as you would know, there are some pretty low days. But today, I thought I would be honest, even on a flat day, because this blog is about a journey and about truth. The last month has sucked big time. I have continued to be a medication guinea pig, and with it has brought a lot of hectic times. I am on a new medicine which hasnt been tested much, it is a new 'breakthrough' medication, although it isnt breaking through much of my depersonalisation. Ahhh it was worth a crack. Im not gonna lie, these past few weeks/months I have questioned God, yelled at Him, cried to Him, pleaded to Him. Sometimes I was just angry that I was even in this position, daily missing out on normal life. But as the old saying goes : hate breeds ...

Behind The Couch xx

Hey Lovely Ones,  It’s been a little minute since we last chatted. What a minute it has been! 2020 is its own brand of weird!  Stay safe fam. Last year I wrote a blog    called “Fresh Or Fester“ about a silly injury I had on a school camp and how just a small amount of gunk not cleaned out of it led to a gross infection. Moral of the story was- don’t let the unforgiveness take root in your heart and cause an all out infection in your soul.  However, today I cleaned behind the couch. Like I’m talking pulled it out, took it apart and really got in there with a garbage bag.  A thorough clean out.  It was like a horrible Showbag from the Royal Adelaide Show, filled with old gummy bears, 3 non-matching socks belonging to one Jason McPhee, a golf ball, a crayon, Pokémon cards, a pretzel and a triangle. Yes a TRIANGLE (One of those things you get given in music class if you can’t play anything else.) Gross. But necessary.  To be honest it was so engraine...

That Time Of Year

Hello and welcome to the festive season! Our house was all ablaze yesterday with christmas decorations and the pageant and lights. Jason in this case, is definitely more the kid than Sam and I. Actually, Sam is quite the same as his dad and for those who know Jas, one of the first things you would know about him is that he is christmas obsessed. When he was 4 he told his mum that his dream when he grew up was to be Father Christmas. That dream unfortunately, still rings true in Jas's ears :) Bless his cotton ( and holey) socks off. So I had 2 kids yesterday ( inclusive of the big kid) running around the house singing and dancing. Sam was yelling "merry christmas and a happy new your" in his little accidental american accent ( I blame sesame street). I love how he is still mixing words up, I know that wont always be the case, but for now things like 'fat battery' and 'hide and sink' and still very cute and funny. I had one of those moments where you stop ...