Anchored To Hope

Hello long lost friends!!! So I thought it was way overdue for me to say g'day and give an update on life. Thanks so much for being interested in my journey and for your ongoing encouragement, Im sorry for the delay in posts. Before I get into it, a big fat shout out to my girl Bec Sara, and her equally beautiful and precious sister Kathy . You girls are gorgeous and an absolute delight to share life with. So finally here is your blog ;) Phew where do I start. Ok the reason for the delay in time was actually purposeful. It was something I needed to do for my own progress and state of mind. Ok firstly, if you are reading this and have come across it somehow from searching posts on depersonalisation here is what you have been looking for : There is a cure... If you google the disorder or ask your doctor they will tell you that it is a coping mechanism that your brain is using to protect you from trauma, and there is...no cure. I have been told this for 4 years. BUT There is...

Last night, my husband sat with me in the car and we held hands in silence, as I let the tears roll down my cheeks. This continous cycle is almost predictable yet I cannot break it. Im not sure what to share and what to hold onto. I want this blog to be an inspiration, but I also promised truth. I believe by sharing the truth of the situation that in turn some of you can identify with the pain of this and feel less isolated. So, here I am. In the same lounge room that Sam learnt to crawl in , yet I have no recollection of him doing so. I'll take the chance now to tell you that I have found an amazing pycologist who is redefining my thoughts and perceptions of my entire life so far. The benefits have been immeasurable and the amount I have learnt is mind blowing, yet I reach this point where as much as that helps, I am still in the prison of my own mind and its perception of reality- I still feel removed from life and its emotions and responses. Can I just say, that le...

Hello lovely people and a warm welcome to any new readers. This blog is a journey through depression and anxiety, if this is your first time reading can I encourage you to go back to the first blog where it all began. Thanks to all the readers near and far, its pretty special that we share this experience together. Oh Maria. My sweet, sweet friend. You changed us all. In your 36 years with us, you loved those around you like no one else, right till the end. Mostly, your beautiful girls. Life has lost so much light without you, you truly brightened this planet. I love you. We miss you, we will remember you xx This week past, we said goodbye to an amazing chick. She wasn't a lady, that sounds old :) She wasn't a woman because she dressed way to cool for how that sounds :) She was AWESOME. She was a Mummy, a wife, a daughter, sister and friend.  I was talking to one of my closest friends who lives overseas, about Maria. We were saying how hard it is to even begin to...

Friends, family, readers near and far, thank you once again for your ongoing love and support. Sometimes when I write I feel like maybe Im the only reader :).  I was absolutely staggered to find that there are readers in Indonesia, Canada, Malaysia, Denmark, Germany, Slovenia, Brazil, Spain, UK, United States, as well as our good old Australia. I consider it a complete honour that you would take the time to share my journey, and my biggest hearts desire is that it somehow helps you on your own journey through life. Thank you xxoo Happy Easter!!! It was so long wasnt it??!! So many days off in a row! We went to a camp site, wow, so much respect goes out to parents who can manage taking kids along to such events...haha I am still recovering. :) I hope it was a lovely break for you all. With so much commercialism being thrown in our faces all the time, it really is an easy task to buy the easter eggs, pack the camping gear and play tennis. Forgetting and disregarding the ...

I am blessed. It sounds like a cliche line from an inexperienced young lady, but it is the truth. The people in my life are astounding. Wise, generous, loyal, defensive:) , fiesty! haha. But seriously, I am incredibly lucky to associate with such gems. My family very much included. Friends in other states feel like are with me even from across the sand and seas. It really is a beautiful thing. Thankyou for your love and support everyone, your feedback and love really is what keeps me writing. So Ive had a little look back over the past few months, I wish those blogs were more upbeat and encouraging, but unfortunately part of life and its journey incorporates such times. The key thing, I made it through, and so will you... Thankyou for being on this journey with me. In light of the recent activities on this blog, I thought long and hard about if I should publicly address it. I could delete every post from the incident, or, I could bring it to light and make an example of something t...

HELLOOOOO! wow, it was been a little while. Thanks so much for the emails and encouragment from you all. It is beautiful and absolutey heart warming to know that you carry me and my story in your hearts. Beautiful people. Where to start...I havent blogged for the past litte while because I have been an a crash course of medication. Seriously, what havent I been on now!! To be honest, it was hell. I spent most of the time in a really dark place. I didnt want to leave the house, ate non-stop due to medication but also due to the fact that it made me feel better for 5mins, then I would crash. I even started drinking more because it would make the depression subside for that little while ( yes christian reader, close your jaws :) This is an honest blog right? Whats the point in going through all of this if it is of no benifit. It was a dark place, possibly the darkest place Ive walked yet. For those who have been there, to get stuck in that negative spiral, it soon gets ou...

Hey Ho folks, Here we are again. It has been a little while since my last blog ( that felt like a confession;)  Ive had heaps of thoughts and ups and downs and sometimes I dont blog it all, only because I dont want to be negative. With depression, as you would know, there are some pretty low days. But today, I thought I would be honest, even on a flat day, because this blog is about a journey and about truth. The last month has sucked big time. I have continued to be a medication guinea pig, and with it has brought a lot of hectic times. I am on a new medicine which hasnt been tested much, it is a new 'breakthrough' medication, although it isnt breaking through much of my depersonalisation. Ahhh it was worth a crack. Im not gonna lie, these past few weeks/months I have questioned God, yelled at Him, cried to Him, pleaded to Him. Sometimes I was just angry that I was even in this position, daily missing out on normal life. But as the old saying goes : hate breeds ...

Hey folks, thanks for reading again. I really appreciate the feedback and encouragement. You are lovely. So today is an emotional day, especially for queenslanders in our country. Our prayers are with you xxoo I was hesitant to blog today, wanting to be sensitive to the natural disasters happening so closely around us, and also because it is an emotional day. A combination of my parents leaving for overseas for a month, and it being Sams birthday. We fit so much into one day, mcdonalds for breakfast, pizza hut for lunch, yogi bear at the movies, slip and slide, pirate ship dinner...massive day. So my little baby is 4. For those dealing with the same/similar condition as me you would know what I mean when I say I literally dont know where the years have gone. I think a sad thing is that Sams birthday is always going to be hard for me. I need to make it about him and his life, not about me. But I was saying to Jas on the way home tonight, it is really hard having Sams birthday, also b...

So here we go...another blog, fresh from the surgery of Marcus. Its weird and kinda vulnerable writing after such an intense moment in my life. All of my appointments rock me to the core, but I usually give myself a little while to process and work through the information before I share it with all of you. Today you are simply hearing it as I'm thinking it for the first time. Scary for all of us :) Isnt life weird. We are all searching for something consistant and safe. A place in our lives where finally we feel happy and secure and like we are functioning the best we ever could. It hit me today that this day might be the best I ever get. It scares me. I am waiting for the day when I feel like Lisa again, and in my head that day will be amazing. Life will be perfect. I will be full of feelings and love and happiness. When in reality, life will still be hard, if not depersonalisation ( shivers i just realised my name is in that word :), it will be another hurdle I will have to fac...

Hello good friends. Thanks again for reading. Hopefully now I am back in there will be more frequency to my posts. I really appreciate all of your love and support, as always. So as I posted last time, there may be a mcphee baby happening this year, no I am not pregnant but it is on the cards. This gets me thinking about time and although I dont have the correct perception of time due to my condition, Sam still grew up really darn fast:( He will be at school next year...WHAT!!??. These types of thoughts get me thinking about my life and the lives of people around me and I think if  27 years has gone this fast, the next 30 will go even faster. It puts a fragility on life, and an element of non-permanency. Often we look at what we are going through as the be all and end all of life. That our boyfriend or friends or house or holiday or conflict or pain is all consuming. That we will live forever because we are so young, yet it ticks by quickly. In 100 years we wont be among the liv...

I'm baaaaaaaaaack..... So after countless attempts at entering my email address to get a new password, only to find there was no email with my new password, I realised I was entering in the wrong email address. I have been locked out of my own blog!! haha. I thought I would never get back here. It is smack bang in the middle of the Queensland floods and my thoughts and prayers are with all of you :( You have unfortunately caught me on a flat day. I promised that I would blog with consistancy and honesty so here it is. I have been a human guinea pig for the past few months, in a strong attempt to jolt this depersonalisation. With the up and down dosage of 3 new meds, my mood, depression and weight has been up and down too. It has been really tricky to cope with  the inconsistancy. As I write this I feel really insensitive to all of the other chaos happening in the world at the moment, but that chaos is always there regradless of how the news covers it. It is devastating and ther...