Hi guys, sorry for the lack of communication lately, its been a hectic time of late, only a few days till Sam starts kindy. We had a birthday party today for Sam's girlfriend Summer :) They are the cutest, such innocent little minds and hearts. I really am so lucky to have the people in my life that I do, I feel I am surrounded with the best.
I got home to my parents today for them to tell me that our next door neighbour ( when I use to live there) had passed away due to cancer. He was older, so its sometimes easy to think, oh well thats normal and in the cycle of life. But I saw his daughter today, and not matter how old you are, you still belong. That is still her daddy. She still feels like his little princess. It still hurts the same as when she would have been 5 years old. In saying that he was old, probably in his 60's :) Sorry to those whom that offends :) I also saw his little grandchildren, who have no concept of age. All that they know is that they love Papa, and he isnt home today. He wont be at christmas and he wont have a cuddle when they knock on his door. I know this is really sad and morbid, and there was a time in my life, well 25 years, where this is all I dwelled on, this is all I thought of and put myself through. The thought of losing those closest to me was too much to bare, ever. Now days I am removed, which is a really bad thing but also a really good. It is a relief to not have those obsessive, crippling thoughts and fears, but it is also hard to not care aswell. The pendulum has swung too much to the other side, maybe one day you will all find me smack bang in the middle, one day.
I take Sam to see my Nana once a week and to him, Nana and Anna are the same. Nana is nearing 80 years old and Anna is nearing 8 weeks. But to Sam, they are equal. They are both permanent in his life and he loves them the same. The both matter. Isnt it sad that we write people off, even accidentally. That I can easily think that Nana is silly and old because she never hears me and she repeats herself. Yet she endured physical and emotional abuse at the hands of a drunk husband, she remarried and lost the love of her life 7 years later. She raised 3 daughters and babysit us hundreds of time. She taught us the songs we know, she spent hours with us. Yet now, to give her an hour is sometimes a drain. And she is a lucky great grandma, lots of GG's ( our name for her) barely ever see their great grandkids. It is sad. It is sad that I thought that George was in his 60's so its ok, when his wife sleeps alone tonight, and she isnt ok. That George still felt 20 years old, that I feel 16 and im heading for 30.
We are never ready. Never ready for loss.
Even when we expect it, when it finally happens, it doesnt take the pain away. It can help with the shock if you have preperation. But it doesnt take the ache away for that person who you cant hold, or call up and tell that you had a bad day. I think If we had to say, most if not all of us have experienced loss. Some extremely close to home, and some more distant. It hurts. For this world, It stings... and its too late for me to run next door and tell George that there is hope.
1 Corinthians 15:55
Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where oh death is your victory ? Where oh death is your sting?
For me, I spent my entire life afraid of something that had already been defeated. That the old sunday school saying that we will all be together in heaven, actually has truth and life it in. That death has lost its sting, its brutality, its permanency.This is not the end my friends, and for those who have loved and lost, you will see them again, What amazing hope we have. You will hold your daughters hand again, you will kiss her head, you will feel your mummys arms around you and feel safe again, you will laugh with old friends. This life is as bad as it gets friends. This is the worst of it. So hold your heads up tonight, take heart. For the pain and suffering you experience in this life has an end. It has a finish line, it has a limit, it is not forever. We will rise with wings of eagles, we will run and not grow weary, walk and not faint. Hurt but not be snuffed out. In Jesus, we have eternal hope. So lets maybe take a moment to consider our next door neighbour who maybe doesnt have the same hope, our friends at the supermarket, maybe even our own family who doesnt know the truth. Those whom this earth does sting, and is hopeless. Lets try, even in our grief and hardship, to continue to look beyond ourselves, and into our neighbours yard. Because even 5 minutes out of my day could have changed Georges life forever. xxoo
I got home to my parents today for them to tell me that our next door neighbour ( when I use to live there) had passed away due to cancer. He was older, so its sometimes easy to think, oh well thats normal and in the cycle of life. But I saw his daughter today, and not matter how old you are, you still belong. That is still her daddy. She still feels like his little princess. It still hurts the same as when she would have been 5 years old. In saying that he was old, probably in his 60's :) Sorry to those whom that offends :) I also saw his little grandchildren, who have no concept of age. All that they know is that they love Papa, and he isnt home today. He wont be at christmas and he wont have a cuddle when they knock on his door. I know this is really sad and morbid, and there was a time in my life, well 25 years, where this is all I dwelled on, this is all I thought of and put myself through. The thought of losing those closest to me was too much to bare, ever. Now days I am removed, which is a really bad thing but also a really good. It is a relief to not have those obsessive, crippling thoughts and fears, but it is also hard to not care aswell. The pendulum has swung too much to the other side, maybe one day you will all find me smack bang in the middle, one day.
I take Sam to see my Nana once a week and to him, Nana and Anna are the same. Nana is nearing 80 years old and Anna is nearing 8 weeks. But to Sam, they are equal. They are both permanent in his life and he loves them the same. The both matter. Isnt it sad that we write people off, even accidentally. That I can easily think that Nana is silly and old because she never hears me and she repeats herself. Yet she endured physical and emotional abuse at the hands of a drunk husband, she remarried and lost the love of her life 7 years later. She raised 3 daughters and babysit us hundreds of time. She taught us the songs we know, she spent hours with us. Yet now, to give her an hour is sometimes a drain. And she is a lucky great grandma, lots of GG's ( our name for her) barely ever see their great grandkids. It is sad. It is sad that I thought that George was in his 60's so its ok, when his wife sleeps alone tonight, and she isnt ok. That George still felt 20 years old, that I feel 16 and im heading for 30.
We are never ready. Never ready for loss.
Even when we expect it, when it finally happens, it doesnt take the pain away. It can help with the shock if you have preperation. But it doesnt take the ache away for that person who you cant hold, or call up and tell that you had a bad day. I think If we had to say, most if not all of us have experienced loss. Some extremely close to home, and some more distant. It hurts. For this world, It stings... and its too late for me to run next door and tell George that there is hope.
1 Corinthians 15:55
Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where oh death is your victory ? Where oh death is your sting?
For me, I spent my entire life afraid of something that had already been defeated. That the old sunday school saying that we will all be together in heaven, actually has truth and life it in. That death has lost its sting, its brutality, its permanency.This is not the end my friends, and for those who have loved and lost, you will see them again, What amazing hope we have. You will hold your daughters hand again, you will kiss her head, you will feel your mummys arms around you and feel safe again, you will laugh with old friends. This life is as bad as it gets friends. This is the worst of it. So hold your heads up tonight, take heart. For the pain and suffering you experience in this life has an end. It has a finish line, it has a limit, it is not forever. We will rise with wings of eagles, we will run and not grow weary, walk and not faint. Hurt but not be snuffed out. In Jesus, we have eternal hope. So lets maybe take a moment to consider our next door neighbour who maybe doesnt have the same hope, our friends at the supermarket, maybe even our own family who doesnt know the truth. Those whom this earth does sting, and is hopeless. Lets try, even in our grief and hardship, to continue to look beyond ourselves, and into our neighbours yard. Because even 5 minutes out of my day could have changed Georges life forever. xxoo
Thanks Lisa, reading your blog kind of rattled me. I've been so focused on me and my problems that I forgot the grand picture of things. God Bless Hun.
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